On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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