I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
