You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
