She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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