my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
