He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
