At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
