my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
