you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When did angry sex become our thing?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
