i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
