a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
