i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
