Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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