I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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