hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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