Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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