Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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