Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
