I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
