someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
