why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
