come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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