Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
