conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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