I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
