plz talk dirty to me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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