You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
