So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
