you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
