I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
