that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
