take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
