Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
