my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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