I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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