dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
