ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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