Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
