To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
