toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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