why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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