I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
