i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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