I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
