i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
