i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dear god my vagina.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
