The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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