I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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