that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
