ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
