Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
