Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
