What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
