Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
