Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why do cheetos always look like penises
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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