yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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