I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
