I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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