good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
