i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
