just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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