I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My vagina just recognized that song.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
