can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
