this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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