Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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