I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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