I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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