So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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